Crying.

I haven't cried this much in a while.
Is it because the Holidays are coming that I have to go through sadness?
Oh well.
I wish my crying would stop before I ruin the key board.
Why do trivial things destroy the important things in my life?
I'm trying.
I am trying so damn hard.
And yet I still fail you.

Sick.Sick.Sick.

I haven't posted in a while so I figured I should.
I am finally going to MSU.
Is it all I had hoped and dreamed?
No.
Actually it is the opposite. My classes are great but I am not happy here. I don't know where I am happy but I know that I was much happier back home even if I didn't care for many of the people that live there.
I am broke.
I am lonely.
I am sick.
And I can't see the face of the person I love as much as i'd like to.
This is all just not how I wanted things to turn out.
I want to move in with Kelsi.
I want to study film.
I want to make money.
I want to move to Japan.
I want to take you with me.
Ugh.
I just want a home....
A home for Alexa.
A home I can't get kicked out of
A home I don't have to move out of every couple of months
I want a home that I can call mine
That's all I've ever really wanted isn't it?
In every blog I've made I come to that point where I realize I don't care where I am at or who is around me I just want to feel like I am home and wanted.
That's all.
Is that too much to ask?
I hate being sick...it makes me talk like an ass...
I am gonna end this before I say anything else stupid.

Sticky.

You know that feeling when you step out of a hot shower and your skin feels sticky?
That's what it was like outside today.
Thank god I work in a nice air conditioned college all day.
I have about 4 or 5 weeks left in this town and then I am off to Michigan State University for the next 4 or 5 years studying film.
I am still very nervous about my dorm mate and I am hoping it is someone similar to me and someone who is very open minded. I can get along with pretty much anyone but I want someone I genuinely like.
Oh well.
Things have been a bit rocky in my life lately but that is to be expected sometimes. Things were going very good for me and so to balance my life out I had to have some bad as well. However, I believe the bad in my life right now can be worked on and made into something better than before, given some time and effort.
"It's so hard to have someone to love"
It is so true.
Being unselfish is so hard even when you think you are not being selfish. Trust me.
I suppose that is why communication is key?
Oh well, its really late and even though I took a 3 hour nap I should still probably get some sleep and try to keep my head up for the days to come.

Goodnight!

Alexa